30 Things the Nations ARE NOT allowed to do EVER
by liondancer17
Summary: A series of one-shots about things that the nations are forbade to do, based on past incidents. Rated for sexual things. And Japan. And France.
1. Chapter 1

A/N

A humorous story. ^-^ This came to me because of my RP buddies.

Pairings:

AmeBel

CanUkr

RoChu

One sided Ameripan

One sided Giripan

and hints of other ones

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia, or any other media mentioned.

Chapter One: Japan

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**1.) **I am not allowed to ask for Ukraine-san and Belarus-san to model for various fetish outfits for any kind of manga I am working on. If I do, I will end up with a very angry America-kun and Canada-san pointing guns in my face, demanding for the photos back.

**2.) **I am not allowed to ask America-kun to model for me, either.

**3.) **Especially naked.

**4.) **Greece and France are the only ones I can have naked pictures of.

**5.) **I am not allowed to tell England I have naked photos of France. England will kill me.

**6.) **I am not allowed to ask where Belarus-san keeps the naked photos of America-kun.

7**.) **I am also not allowed to ninja-stalk her so I can steal them.

**8.) **I am not allowed to announce the countries I ship. This will make everyone embarrassed.

**9.) **I am also not allowed to draw the nations I ship having sex.

**10.) **Nor am I allowed to use tentacles.

**11.) **I may NEVER draw Germancest. It will make Italy-kun cry, and Germany-kun and Prussia-kun will not talk to me for three weeks.

**12.) **Nor itacest.

**13.) **Or Americest

**14.) **Especially not Russia-san and Belarus-san. America-kun is my friend, but he will not refrain from threatening me at gunpoint.

**15.) **Incest in general is off-limits. (Except for the Hiitachin twins. Hungary-san likes them.)

**16.) **I am not allowed to do manga exchanges with Hungary-san during world meetings. If I must, it has to be in private.

**17.) **Even if Poland-san does it, I am not allowed to cosplay as Hatsune Miku during world meetings. It is very distracting. Even if America-kun tells me it's a good cosplay.

**18.) **I am not allowed to ninja-stalk England-san and France-san for yaoi pictures. France-san doesn't mind, but England-san is very shy, and will chase me with a musket.

**19.) **I am not allowed to argue pirates vs. ninjas with England. (Ninjas obviously win)

**20.) **pirates vs. ninjas. vs. cowboys is also off-limits.

**21.) **If I tell Sealand about Code Geass, I will die.

**22.) **Toilets do not dispense rice balls, chili peppers, and beer, no matter how much they look like money can be inserted in them.

**23.) **Tony-san does not want to kill us all, or his cousin Steve-san. I should stop insinuating that, because Tony-san is America-kun's friend, and it makes America very sad.

**24.) **I am not allowed to point out the fact that Holy Rome-san is Germany-kun. Not until Germany-kun remembers.

**25.) **I am not allowed to visit Italy-kun ever again. It took three weeks to stop saying '_ve~!'_

**26.) **I am not allowed to write doujinshis about a yandere Italy-kun. Germany-kun couldn't look at Italy-kun for two weeks.

**27.) **America-kun is not secretly eviller than Russia-san, and he is not plotting to kill us all and become the nest Rome-san. I should stop writing those doujinshis too.

**28.) **Canada-san isn't either. I should also stop telling stories about how Canada-san is plotting to kill America-kun. This will make Canada-san upset, and he will apologize to his brother again and again, even if it isn't his fault.

**29.) **I am not allowed to ninja-stalk Italy-kun for Germany-kun to investigate the secrets of The Curl.

**30.) **I am not allowed to tell Germany that The Curl is Italy-kun's weak point. Nor am I allowed to publish a doujinshi for Hungary-san about what happened next.

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A/N I hope you guys enjoy~! Please review!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N

And now the next chapter! ^0^ I hope you guys enjoy!

Chapter 2: canada

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**1.) **Whenever anyone mistakes me for America, I am not allowed to pretend to be gay, nor say that I am totally banging Japan. It will take several hours for America to assure Belarus after people tell her, and get her to stop crying.

**2.) I AM NEVER, EVER ALLOWED TO TELL ANYONE BELARUS CRIED. I WILL DIE, NO MATTER WHAT AMERICA DOES TO STOP HER.**

**3.)** Whenever someone mistakes me for America, I am also not allowed to tell emberassing stories about him. Nor am I allowed to do anything emberassing for him. Belarus does not like that.

**4.) Ontario is never allowed to take my place at a meeting again. EVER.**

**5.) Especially if Washington D.C. is there.**

**6.) **Nobody understands sarcasm. Especially Italy.

**7.)** Because of that, telling him that I am _totally _banging Prussia is not a good idea.

**8.) **Especially if Russia hears.

**9.) **Or Hungary.

**10.) **Or Belarus.

**11.) **Katsuyasha and I should refrain from showing too much affection in meetings. Even kissing. No matter how beautiful she is and how much I want to kiss her so bad, I should refrain. Ivan is extremely overprotective.

**12.) **Also, for some reasons, it makes Belarus competetive, and she will demand more attention from Broski. This can get very distracting, and Hungary will smack Prussia over the head with a frying pan when Belarus tries to pull her dress up.

**13.) **No matter how much people stare at Katsuyasha's breasts, I am not allowed to sick Kumajirou on them.

**14.) **Nor am I allowed to bludgeon them with a hockey stick.

**15.) **Broski's baseball bat is off-limits too.

**16.) **And his gun storage.

**17.) **And his pet whale should not be thrown either.

**18.) **I should refrain from talking about eating beaver around Al. He will crack up, Kat will go bright red, and so will Natalya. Prussia and Denmark will laugh as well.

**19.) **I'm not allowed to use my invisibility to play pranks on the other nations. Especially it if involves England. Being a frog for two weeks was not fun.

**20.) **If Hungary suggests me and Al do a 'Hiitachin twins moment', RUN

**21.) **I am never allowed to make Al cry ever again.

**22.) **The CN Tower is private. Neither I nor Kat am allowed to brag about it.

**23.) **Especially around Al or Belarus.

**24.) **Especially if Japan or Hungary is there. It will not be pretty.

**25.) **The debate 'Timmy's vs. Starbucks' is off limits.

**26.) **So is 'Canadian Bacon vs. Sliced Ham'.

**27.) **Disney's Goof Troop is not a group of pedophiles, no matter what goof means in Canada.

**28.) **Im Yong Soo doesn't know any better. I am not allowed to hit him when he groped Kat's breasts.

**29.) **Kat and I should restrain both Natalya and Al when he tries on Natalya.

**30.) **Never, ever open the door when two nations go in a room alone. Ever.

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A/N I hope you guys enjoy! Please review!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N

sorry for the long wait, but here we go! This chapter is Belarus, then it's Ukraine, then England, then America. ^o^

Disclaimer: i own nothing.

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1.) I'm not allowed to kill anyone who looks at America.

2.) Or breaths on him.

3.) Or looks at him.

4.) Or insults him.

5.) Killing people is generally off limits.

7.) So is threatening.

8.) When I hear people insult America, or blame him for things, or generally hate him, I'm not allowed to attempt to hang, draw, and quarter them. China is still scared of me.

9.) That also goes for when Japan tries to take naked photos.

10.) Or when he tries to flirt.

11.) Marriage is a special thing. Therefor, I shouldn't insist on remarrying every few weeks.

12.) Even if I'm scared that I'm not good enough for him, and that he will leave me.

13.) Canada and America are twins. Thus, whenever I see Ukraine with someone who looks like America, it is Canada. It doesn't mean she is trying to steal him away from me. So I should really stop threatening to cut off her breasts.

14.) I should stop trying to compete with her for who can turn on their North American Twin the most.

15.) Cuba is not trying to take Florida. That means he is off my hit-list too.

16.) Stalking is not a way of showing love. I should stop that.

17.) Even if America doesn't mind, his friends do.

18.) I am not allowed to have an epic sword fight with Japan over America.

19.) Nor am I allowed to threaten Japan whenever he publishes AmeRus doujinshis. Or steal them.

20.) I am not allowed to wear a slave fetish dress in pubic to show off that yes, someone does indeed love me and think I am attractive.

21.) Or a sexy french maid dress.

22.) Or a bikini.

23.) Or nothing at all.

24.) I cannot kill Canada for knowing how I sometimes cry at night because I don't really think that anyone loves me.

25.) I am not allowed to threaten Japan for his twincest manga. Or steal them and hoard them.

26.) For that matter, criticizing Japan on not getting America's anatomy right is rude.

27.) I should really start being sweet to Ukraine again.

28.) Doing an incest routine with her for the Twins does not qualify as being 'sweet'.

29.) ...even if America really, really likes it.

30.) I have nice breasts. Ukraine is not better than me for her larger breasts. Thus, threatening her for her secret will not work.

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A/N Please review!


	4. Chapter 4

A/N Sorry about being gone for so long! Here's more crack! XD The whole stalking thing comes from the fact that I totally see England being OBSESSED with things popular in the U.K.

Especially the Beatles.

Oh god, the things that England has done to them.

Disclaimer: I own jack sheeet

Chapter 4: England

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1.) I am not allowed to stalk the Beatles.

2.) I am not allowed to secxually assult the Beatles.

3.) That includes posters.

4.) And records.

5.) And lunchboxes.

6.) And locks of their hair.

7.) And ESPECIALLY dolls in the middle of toy stores.

8.) I am not allowed to stalk the royal couple, either.

9.) Or any actor that has been on Doctor Who.

10.) Just because there is a man named Captain Jack on Pirates of the Carribean does not mean that it is Jack Harkness in another timeline.

11.) R2D2 is not a Dalek. I should not scream at any of the cast of Star Wars to get away from him.

12.) C3PO is not a Cyberman. He does not want to upgrade anyone. I should stop insinuating this. It just confuses America.

13.) Finding connections to Doctor Who in everything just confuses people. Even if America enjoys it.

14.) Strangling America whenever he calls me 'Mummy!' will not solve anything.

15.) Even if it amuses me.

16.) Equestria Girls is not a disgrace to My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. I should stop getting mad at America for making it.

17.) (Even if Japan agrees.)

18.) Turning France into a frog will not solve anything. Even if he's trying to see the CN Tower.

19.) When roleplaying as a pirate during certain activities, it is best to not use real swords and guns.

20.) Even if it makes the experience more enjoyable and authentic, it's still very dangerous.

21.) Hogwarts is in Scotland, but Harry Potter is from England. We share properties. So I should stop letting Scotland start arguments with me.

22.) When having angry/make-up sex, it's best to not let it happen in the World Meeting room. During a meeting. During Russia's speech.

23.) Even if Japan and Hungary like it.

24.) Even if it's kinkier that way.

25.) E.L. James is English. Therefor, denying Fifty Shades of Grey as one of my properties is futile.

26.) It's best to not debate Doctor Who, Lord of the Rings, and Harry Potter with America. It just always ends in physical violence.

27.) Canada and America where both pirates at one point in history. Denying it will only end in a lot of pain.

28.) Pirates vs. Ninjas vs. Cowboys is off limits. Forever.

29.) Neverland doesn't exist. Denying it will only cause more trauma.

30.) And, one more time, I am not allowed to stalk the Beatles. Ever. Again.

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A/N Please review!


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